When I started caring for my mother after the deaths of my father and brother, it was just that, caring. She lived a state away and was grieving and sad. Eventually she agreed to move closer to me to an assisted living residence. It wasn’t until then that someone called me a caregiver.

I had never thought of the word and only related it to those caring for children. It sort of shocked me that someone said to me, “You are such a good caregiver to your mother.” I was just doing what was needed. Yes, at this point, I was doing all the driving and helping her with some decisions. But she was still in good physical and cognitive shape. We were going shopping, out to lunch, she spent weekends at my house in the country.

As I began taking on more responsibilities for her my life got a bit more complicated and compromised. She had a few trips to the ER, so I had to assume more knowledge of her health conditions and care. She needed things so I would do all her shopping if not take her. She called me a lot because she was lonely and while there were lots of activities to keep her busy, she preferred my company.

This was only the beginning and already I was starting to feel the strain. I searched for a support group. The only one I could find, in person, was at her community and it was for those caring for someone with Alzheimer’s. They said I could come anyway. It was led by the social worker and comprised of a mixed group of people close to my age and those much older married and caring for a spouse.

I went a few times but did not find it very helpful. Social workers are very good and yet in this environment they are prescriptive. I was offered multiple solutions for the problems and grievances I talked about. I didn’t really want that, I just wanted to be heard and told what I was experiencing was normal or ok. I’d never been a caregiver nor expected to be one. I finally quit going.

My next attempt was online to a chat group that met once a week. This was pre-zoom, so it was on a call. Sometimes it was ok and others not so ok. I found that with no real facilitator, one person could easily dominate the entire hour. I also did not like that I never knew who was going to be on the calls, so I never made connections with other caregivers. I did try a couple of these and even one with a facilitator was not well done. Again, people seemed to want to always offer solutions when all I wanted was to be heard.

My final attempt at finding support was an online forum where you typed in your comments or questions, and anyone could answer. This was awful for me. I got some awful unsolicited “advice”, felt judged by some of the comments and there was no moderator.

My point in sharing these personal experiences is to help you find the support you need. So, below I have listed my pros and cons on each type. Caregivers are getting more attention these days; you may not realize it. There are lots of online groups, forums and other sources of support. Some are free, some are paid, many are not moderated, and you must be careful of what others tell you.

Online Zoom Support Groups

Pros                                                                                                                    Cons

Live                                                                                                                     You don’t know who will be there

Connect with other caregivers                                                          May not have a facilitator

May have a facilitator                                                                              Scheduled time

May have guest speakers

Scheduled time

You can join from anywhere

Online Chat Forums

Pros                                                                                                                    Cons

Available anytime                                                                                       You won’t know the people who

Large variety of caregivers                                                                     comment

Any topic is permitted                                                                              You could get bad advice

Lots of free advice                                                                                      The forums are not specific to types of caregivers     

In Person Support Groups

Pros                                                                                                                      Cons

You can connect with the group                                                        Each group will have a different

May be facilitated                                                                                        tone from religious to therapeutic

Meets at a scheduled time and place                                            Travel to site at a specific time

Private Membership Group

Pros                                                                                                                      Cons

Led by an expert in caregiving on Zoom                                        Monthly or Bi-Annual Fee

A community of caregivers you will get to know                     

Private one on one coaching

Regular weekly or bi-weekly meetings

Occasional expert speakers

Other content on caregiving available

Online chat included

Focused on specific types of caregivers who share their knowledge

You can join from anywhere

As you can see, there are lots of choices. Sometimes it is helpful to try out one or two of

These options to see what best suits you.

I did not find what I needed during my caregiving years, so I created it. Please join my PATH

Program to find your community with lots of knowledge and expertise.